Protuberant Thighs

on May 6, 2011 in Misc

When it comes to body weight, I’ve pretty much been lucky.  I’ve been generally slim all my life, but whenever I did put on fat it went to really bad places.   Bad as in butt, thighs and waist.  Bad as in it has meticulously, assiduously, determinedly avoided my breasts at all costs.   Never, ever has fat gone north above my ribcage.   Like the bones up there were made of Teflon or something.

You know those overweight women who are extremely bell-shaped?   That’s what I’d be like if I ever put on weight.   Some “overweight” women look great.   They look voluptuous.   They look sexy.

Me? I would look like the Liberty Bell from the waist down and Olive Oil above that.

Which is why I’ve really had to be careful about not putting on weight.   I would so not be sexy, and voluptuous is not in my body vocabulary.

But my body paranoia has not kept a few extra pounds from sneaking onto the wrong bones in my body.   YOU try keeping every last excess pound off once you get deep into middle age.  T’ain’t easy.

Nowadays, of course, I at least have more upper body development (including some to my ever humble breasts), but that’s purely because of workouts.   Fact is, for too long I was too skinny from the waist up.   But FINALLY, especially thanks to fencing and my Layla workout stuff, I’ve put on some muscle in my shoulders and arms… and little extra tissue or something or other to my two little friends.

This is good news.   Especially because this last week some really nasty medical news was announced, to whit:


Talk about a horror story.

In a study done right here in Colorado, researchers examined test subjects (nonobese women) with “protuberant thighs,” etc. who had liposuction on said offensive thighs, then the researchers followed up with them a year later.   Guess what?   The fat came back.   “It took a year,” but it all came back UPSTAIRS, primarily in the upper abdomen but also in the shoulders and thighs.

It did not go to their breasts.

Why did it come back?   Blame the women, it’s their fault?    Not in this controlled study.   Instead the researchers are theorizing that the body “defends” its fat.   Doesn’t matter if you lose it by dieting or sucking it out through a tube.   That gross yellow stuff comes BACK.   Just like can’t-die-monsters in movies.   With dieting, it can go back to the same places.   But with liposuction it seems that the procedure so violently messes with the “fishnet structure under the skin where fat cells live” that when the ugly stuff comes back, it has to find a new neighborhood, usually to the north.   In the wrong places north.

If you want to get even more depressed, here’s the link to the story as it ran in the New York Times.

I’m now gonna have celery for lunch.   Damn it.

2 Responses to “Protuberant Thighs”

  1. Chet S. says:

    Lol, Fat has it’s perks, just not in the modern city life where all we need is at either our fingertips, or a quick drive away. Just try no to worry too much, and good ol’ apium graveolens isn’t the worse thing ever =P yet I would recommend having me cook for you one day.

    The real reason I decided to leave a comment was to ask how you’ve been, that’s one of the things I find myself wondering from time to time. *crosses my fingers and hopes you’ve had a lot of good times*

  2. Helena says:

    Chet – I’ve been kinda fine – just got over a mini-flu or something. Hope you’re swell.