Security Breach

on July 12, 2010 in Misc

thiefSeveral years ago a thief got into an office where I worked.  I know this because I’m the one who found him.

It happened over the lunch hour. Everyone in the office had left except for me.  My desk was near the entrance, which was a wall of glass through which you could see the bank of elevators and part of a short corridor that led around them to our suite’s back entrance.  Ours was the only suite on the entire floor.

I was taking files to a co-worker’s office near the back when I almost walked into a man.  He was young, tall, and fairly well dressed.  Almost before I could react, he blurted that he wanted to know if we taking any applications.  He added a couple more practiced lines about how he was job hunting by going directly to offices.

lightning thief

He was bullshitting me – that was obvious.  It was also obvious that he had gotten off at the elevators and instead of heading through the big glass doors of the only suite on the floor he had entered through the unmarked back door.  Still, I played along with his act that he was lost.  After all, I was alone and he was bigger and stronger than I was.

I’m afraid we don’t have any open positions, I babbled cheerfully.  And I kept talking like a polite airhead who couldn’t possibly be a threat to him as I walked slowly back toward the entrance.  He followed me while I gave him encouraging words on his alleged job search.  By that time I had already assessed him and figured out how best to defend myself if he attacked, which he probably wouldn’t.

And he didn’t.  Instead he left and got on an elevator.  Of course I called security and they caught the guy when he reached the lobby.  They found nothing on him and let him go with a warning; a short while later a woman on another floor reported that the wallet from her purse was missing.

What a loser!  A petty thief with a flimsy cover story.  I mean, I could do so much better than that!  And Layla could really outshine him.  But then, I’m no thief and Layla is… Well, when she gets into a place she doesn’t belong and removes certain property, it’s usually from a wealthy bad guy who came by it illegally.

I’ve told you this story because I think it’s time I started putting some of my Layla skills into action.  No, I’m certainly not going to steal anything.  There’s also no way I’ll risk getting arrested and then embarrass myself (“But officer, I’m just going to write about this in my blog!  I was never going to leave the premises with this expensive work of art!”)  I would also never risk getting some poor security guard fired. 

keep out

And yet…

Wouldn’t it be fun to see if I could get into and out of a place I don’t belong and leave my calling card (“Layla was here”)?  We’ve all trespassed at least in minor ways in our lives.  But what if I up the ante?

If you have any ideas, let me know.  In the meantime, I’ll start looking around.

8 Responses to “Security Breach”

  1. Robert L. Read says:

    This is brilliant! You should have a special card made and do it. I’m getting nervous just thinking about it—I almost never break any rules.

    Here’s an additional idea: take a camera, and photograph your self, let’s say, sitting on a CEO’s desk.

    Or with a view out the sindow identifying where you are. With your hand on the fire alarm!

    Leave your card in a bouquet of flowers in a vase.

    To me, this will take more ovaries than skydiving.

  2. Helena says:

    Robert — Those are great ideas! Of course, now that I’ve made the suggestions and you’ve upped the ante with specifics, I’m starting to get nervous. Still, give me a week or two to figure out what office or other place to get into. And if anything goes wrong, I’m blaming you.

  3. Ben says:

    Wow! That sounds like fun! Are you thinking about trespassing at night which requires fence climbing skills, or are you thinking broad daylight, during the hours of operation with a cover story like an out of town business representative here to assess the financial situation of the company?
    (The latter one would be way more gutsy, and maybe a little bit too “out there”.

  4. Hart says:

    What a concept! ‘breaking into’ a country club to swim in their pool, maybe… that way you’d get something fun, but only kicked out if it failed? Or just figure out the way you COULD get art from a museum without actually TAKING it (I read some art theft books a while back, and in some places, I think those things would be easy to spot–I have a character who gets sucked into an art theft ring)

    Hard to test the skills though, of things you don’t feel right about doing!

  5. Helena says:

    Ben — You’re so ambitious! The cover story of a rep assessing something in the company is, like you say, too out there. I’m just thinking of slipping in and out of places while leaving a calling card behind. Let’s just hope I don’t seriously screw up on my first (and last?) attempt.

  6. Helena says:

    Hart — The interesting thing about art is that some expensive works aren’t just in museums or private homes, they’re in corporate offices. I once did some contract work at an office here in Denver that had a big N.C. Wyeth hanging in the boardroom. The way everyone ignored it told me I could’ve had a copy made (not even paint, just an oversized photocopy) and walked away with the original. If the copy was good enough the original just might be gone for months before anyone would notice.
    Not that I would ever do this in real life…

  7. Ann says:

    ok….. so if you try this, you have to take a cell phone so you can text me when you’re hiding behind King Tut’s sarcophagus. Mum’s the word.

  8. Helena says:

    Ann — Right, from behind Tut’s sarcophagus. And then I’ll text you from jail.