Archive for November 4th, 2012

Mood Swings

on November 4, 2012 in Misc 14 Comments »

Sometimes it’s a little scary for me when my moods go up and down.

Does that ever happen to you? I mean, we’re not talking bipolar here.  There’s no wild manic vs. depressive crazy-as-a-bat-in-my-belfry moods.  It’s just that anymore it seems I have positive, optimistic times when I feel excited about life, then half a day later my writing seems hopeless and things aren’t so good and life is just one big… I dunno… a big fart?

This weekend, at least, was pretty good.  While I didn’t get out and do fun Layla stuff, I did put in a good chunk of time on my Charity MacCay manuscript.  In theory I should just be editing it, but in reality, you know how it goes – there was a whole half chapter that I realized needs serious re-writing.  Then I saw a documentary on the History Channel that gave me a couple factoids I should add to my story.  And the fat Pulitzer Prize-winning bio of Cornelius Vanderbilt (he plays a role in my novel) is still sitting in my living room with my bookmark less than a third of the way through.

Anyway the point is, even though I have more writing work to do than I anticipated, I’m happy when I’m writing.  And this evening I felt a brief surge of joy.  Like maybe things will really work out.  People will read and love Charity.  My savings won’t all disappear into my teeth and my car.

All fine and dandy. But lurking in the back of my mind is the fear that some time in this coming week something will set me off, my optimism will go to hell in a handbasket, and I’ve got to park my butt down and meditate myself back to some semblance of serenity.

I mean, I’ve heard of writers having serious mood swings, but this is really getting tiresome.  And worrisome.  And bothersome.

So do any of you guys have up and down times too?  Days when you think of tossing out everything you’ve ever written and swearing off writing?  Are they followed by dreams of winning literary prizes and seeing your name at the top of the New York Times bestseller lists?

Okay, so that sounds like my own personal and favorite delusion.  Got any literary grand schemes too?