Archive for July 12th, 2010


thiefSeveral years ago a thief got into an office where I worked.  I know this because I’m the one who found him.

It happened over the lunch hour. Everyone in the office had left except for me.  My desk was near the entrance, which was a wall of glass through which you could see the bank of elevators and part of a short corridor that led around them to our suite’s back entrance.  Ours was the only suite on the entire floor.

I was taking files to a co-worker’s office near the back when I almost walked into a man.  He was young, tall, and fairly well dressed.  Almost before I could react, he blurted that he wanted to know if we taking any applications.  He added a couple more practiced lines about how he was job hunting by going directly to offices.

lightning thief

He was bullshitting me – that was obvious.  It was also obvious that he had gotten off at the elevators and instead of heading through the big glass doors of the only suite on the floor he had entered through the unmarked back door.  Still, I played along with his act that he was lost.  After all, I was alone and he was bigger and stronger than I was.

I’m afraid we don’t have any open positions, I babbled cheerfully.  And I kept talking like a polite airhead who couldn’t possibly be a threat to him as I walked slowly back toward the entrance.  He followed me while I gave him encouraging words on his alleged job search.  By that time I had already assessed him and figured out how best to defend myself if he attacked, which he probably wouldn’t.

And he didn’t.  Instead he left and got on an elevator.  Of course I called security and they caught the guy when he reached the lobby.  They found nothing on him and let him go with a warning; a short while later a woman on another floor reported that the wallet from her purse was missing.

What a loser!  A petty thief with a flimsy cover story.  I mean, I could do so much better than that!  And Layla could really outshine him.  But then, I’m no thief and Layla is… Well, when she gets into a place she doesn’t belong and removes certain property, it’s usually from a wealthy bad guy who came by it illegally.

I’ve told you this story because I think it’s time I started putting some of my Layla skills into action.  No, I’m certainly not going to steal anything.  There’s also no way I’ll risk getting arrested and then embarrass myself (“But officer, I’m just going to write about this in my blog!  I was never going to leave the premises with this expensive work of art!”)  I would also never risk getting some poor security guard fired. 

keep out

And yet…

Wouldn’t it be fun to see if I could get into and out of a place I don’t belong and leave my calling card (“Layla was here”)?  We’ve all trespassed at least in minor ways in our lives.  But what if I up the ante?

If you have any ideas, let me know.  In the meantime, I’ll start looking around.